I can also relate. While growing up, expressing any negative emotion, especially anger, was not at all acceptable and my life would be hell if I let it out. I still struggle to stand up for myself now and have had some really awful, exploitative experiences. I was my mother's scapegoat as a child for anything that was going wrong, and no matter what I did, I was always wrong and could do no right. To her, my brother was the precious golden child who could do no wrong. There was so much inequality in the way the two of us were treated and I grew up thinking I deserved nothing but that cold, casual disregard. It's very hard to show your emotions as an adult when all your life as a child, they were ignored or used as weapons against you. I don't know if anybody can really heal from this or develop enough trust in someone else or have a healthy relationship. But at least here, we know that we aren't the only ones feeling this pain.