First of all, I really want to say that I'm grateful and fortunate to have all of the things I have right now and I have no intention to brag whatsoever.

For the past 4 years in college, I've been that girl people think as good-looking, smart, talented, brave, and maybe a little ambitious. I get good grades and I have lots of activities and hobbies besides campus, and I have quite a bunch of acquaintances. I'm mostly cheerful, playful, and I'm actually quite quirky and I'm not really afraid to look 'ugly' in some cases, I just don't like the idea of looking like an arrogant person. Because I hate them. And i stand in my ground, not easily influenced by others (because I'm actually very insecure opening up with other people).

The thing is, I just can't seem to fit in anywhere. I have no idea what belong to a group means. I'm not feminine but I'm not really 'one of the guys', but I'm also not the popular girl type (and tbh I'm scared of them, a little bit inferior because of my bullied past), but not really the nice girl-next-door type (I drink and go to parties a lot).

Some guys blurt out that I'm just a trophy wife, a decoration, and so on. Girls on the other hand, no matter how hard I try to befriend them usually end up ditching me with their other drama friends / they just simply don't wanna be with me anymore because they say they feel insecure.. Some of them even bullied me.

I'm just saying that I'm lonely, and for the past years people ditch me without saying a word, it hurts so much. I was left feeling like I'm not enough, there's something wrong deep down with who I am, and so on. I have no idea how to handle all of this except setting barriers with other people so I won't get hurt.

Have you ever had a similar experience? How do you handle that?