Yes, those choices could cause instability, but I can also see the path you imagined for yourself playing out like you hoped. You could heal the wounds you sustained while you furthrer educate yourself and then go on to assist others. What a wonderful vision for your life.

I can see how your actions created a perfect storm, but I would offer that there may be other issues behind the scenes that led to this as well. You were abusing marijuana for a reason. It might help to do some life analysis to look for root causes for self medicating. Addressing those issues can help your quest for stability. If they persist they will play out again somehow.

Meanwhile, I think it makes sense to make sure you are covering all of your bases. Mental health is emotional health. Mental health is physical health. Mental health is spiritual health. Finding balance holistically will help ensure you're able to deal with anything that might come up.

You can allow fear of relapse to keep you from imagining and creating the life you want for yourself. You can also just jump right in and see where it leads. For me, I find merging both as my truth helps. I recognize I am afraid and develop strategies to understand the fear and address it. I create plans to leverage in case I get sick and need them in the future. I also keep moving forward and realigning with my dreams for myself. The combination helps me to feel supported while I take the steps I want to take. Relapse isn't failure. Drowning in fear of relapse and letting it steal your life and your dreams is. The perspective you keep is of the utmost importance.

I think what you're attempting to do is beautiful. It may not play out exactly like you think, but I hope you maintain your fighter attitude and keep pusing forward. If this exact path isn't right, that's okay. You can find another. Just don't let the fear keep you frozen. Much love to you!