Thanks again Samantha.

The real issue that's left over for me, and really the issue I've dealt with forever, is that thoughts and feelings are one thing but outwardly I'm male. So no matter how much I identify one way or the other, that's how the world sees me. And no matter how much I wish I could, I'm never going to get to really know what it's like to be a woman. I can't have that body.

So what to do with those thoughts and feelings?

Years ago I did a fair amount of cross dressing. Sometimes for theater, sometimes for film projects, and sometimes just to go out. I really enjoyed it. I loved having smooth legs, wearing makeup and putting on dresses. It was an insane amount of work but it was great. It felt very natural to just be this female version of myself for a time and then when the clothes came off, I was male again, and that felt good too. At the time I treated it as a goof or at most as a turn on, but looking back on it, I just enjoyed what I saw then as "taking on" that role. Lately I've been thinking that maybe it wasn't that I was taking something on but letting something out.

Ah but things were different then. I wasn't married, didn't have kids, and was about 50 pounds thinner. I suspect that, much like my homosexual urges, these feelings and fantasies and emotions will be dealt with quietly, by myself, without breaking any vows. Because even though my wife knows I'm bisexual and knows I used to cross dress and has heard me wish more than once to have her role for a time, we're still married.

Cyran0