I need insight as to what is going on.


I experience traits of Borderline Personality disorder and OCD.
I have done DBT therapy.

I'm on antidepressants..

Reacently since January my therapy with my therapist has reduced due to my therapy coming to an end on March. Why is it ending? Because I go to public mental healthcare. In my country if your mentally not well and you get into the public mental healthcare it's for free! The public mental healthcare have a huge waiting list and so only a therapist can hold so much of how many clients they have. They also get pressured by the people further up the chain to get rid of clients. Literally I feel treated like takeaway fires. (Hot chips) you get from McDonald's. You go in and come out but not totally well.

So now I only see my therapist since January every 2 weeks. They also told me mid last year how they reckon I need long term therapy but they changed their mind during end of last year saying yes I need to see someone but not psychologist just a counselor. And to see them like every 2 weeks or a month to not to feed the depencey attachment I experience.

I'm allowed to call my therapist on the week I dont see her. But, even then some times she doesnt call back so I feel left to survive or just feel disappointed.


It's been very stressful a lot for change. Seeing my therapist only every 2 weeks, seeing a different councilor that I don't know fully is the right fit.


I have notice my moods have been really bad.

I get upset easily, like highly anxious and feel a sense of hopelessness and then I feel despair and have sucidie thoughts along with uncontrollable crying. This is what happened before I had treatment. Now it's coming again. It scares me because I feel I'm going backwards.


Also I experience health anxiety and having no support on that! All I get told is distracted myself that's it.

It's so bad since the conorvirus that I if I see an asain I literally ran. For example I was in the supermarket and I saw an asain having thoughts they could have the virus or their family came from China and now they spreading it. So I have thoughts and then I think I end up in hospital and died! Then go to hell. So that why I ran.

Or if I went to caffee see all the staff asain I left cause I was afarid. I ended up crying and well had episode of uncontrollable crying.


My partner doesnt know how to help me nor do I for myself. My partner got angry the other day and pushed a table over and broke plates. Because I said to him "dont say that" because he was saying that like requires hardworking.
I got scared and lay on the sofa with my teeth chattering together. I blocked my ears so I didnt have to hear anything mean he had to say. So I dont feel more hurt than I am already.


I try to apply the Dailet Behaviour therapy but it doesn't seem to work for health anxiety.

I have thought to quit therapy so I dont have to have this stress with therapy ending. Causing emotional dsyregulation on myself.