Oh, this is just what I need. This week I'm in the "needs support - BADLY!" category....next week, I'll move into the "providing support" camp.

I saw my T last Thursday, he's gone this week, and I'll see him on Monday the 14th. I usually go on Mondays and Fridays - I've been seeing him 2 or 3 times a week for about 5 months. We had JUST reached the point in therapy where he said I was attached to him, but a young (new) attachment. Honestly, this is probably the first "real" attachment I've ever felt to anyone. Yesterday, I actually keep breaking down crying during the day....and I DO NOT CRY. EVER. It's just so painful - it actually hurts.

He left me 2 voice mail messages before he left, for me to listen to while he's gone. They helped at first, but now they kind of make it worse, and I don't listen to them anymore. I also have a marble from his office that I usually carry in my pocket all the time - I have for months - and this week, I stopped carrying it. I just miss him so much, and the reminders of our connection are making me sad.

I didn't realize how I had become used to his caring, supporting listening twice a week. I miss that

And I'm so scared that when he comes back, the "connection" will be gone, and it will be like starting over. It was SO MUCH WORK to get to the point where I trusted him, and felt safe with him, and felt connected to him. He said "our connection can survive a week apart", but I'm still scared.

Before he left, we had worked our way up to the point where he would hold my hand for a minute at the end of our sessions to help me feel like our connection is "real". It was hard to work up to that point, letting him be physically close to me like that (I was SA by someone providing "counseling" in the past), and I'm afraid I'll be scared of that human connection that we worked so hard to get to.

I'm a mess! I feel like a big baby missing him so much