Honestly I think printing off your post you made and taking it with you to meet with a new T would be the best thing for you.

You make very valid points about what went wrong with past Therapists and what you really are looking for and needing.

I often think when someone first meets a T they should be able to literally do a word vomit, just dump everything out of your head maybe it will take a few sessions and that’s fine. We all need validation that we are being heard.

When I first met my T of 9 years .. I was a train wreck... after he explained his boundaries he simple said ... Start where ever you want.... well I just started crying ...he handed me a box of Kleenex ... I honestly am not sure what I started with but it took me 3 sessions of crying and talking to get it out. He didn’t ask me questions, he would remark after I told him of a situation that I had a “right to be upset “or “that had to be painful”

He validated my pain each visit because he just listened to me.

I think maybe that is something that could help YOU it’s perfectly okay to ask a Therapist for what You need.

Once it’s all out you both can decide what to start working on together and yes as the trust builds you will be more willing to allow your T to nudge you or push you to challenge your own thoughts.

That is why I suggest you print this out and have who ever you see read it. There’s no reason to waste time seeing a T that can’t help you in the way you want to be helped.

Be proactive