The one day I can kind of sleep in? Woke up 2:45. AM. Ugh. Going on 6 am now.


Other than that, just checking in with a quick update. BP-wise, doing alright I guess. Functioning.


The BDD though is kicking my ***. There is (literally) NO hope in that realm, and that's hard to live with. I really don't talk about it though because people think it is some kind of joke dx -- like, oh, "everyone" hates their body/thinks they're fat/what-have-you, so why is that even a thing? Except that it's NOT that. And if the umbrella gets that overly-inclusive, I'm out. Because for me it goes to the core of identity. And I do not exist. I try to make like it's ok, but it very much is not. And every.single.day it makes me want to die. Every.single.f******.day. Being triggered virtually every waking hour is exhausting. And depressing AF.


Sorry, this is turning into a rambling pity-fest. I'll stop now, because truly, there's nothing for it. This is my fate. End of story.


I shouldn't even have written this at all. Guess I'm just feeling the need to vent, and have no place else to do that currently. Sorry.