I really appreciate your transparency! All i can say is IT GETS BETTER! I related a lot to your story. I was closeted until i was 18, and I went to a Christian high school so i was so scared to be myself and didn't view myself highly, therefore i was doing a lot of things online that i shouldn't have. However, after many bad first dates or dates that ended physical without my intention, i found the one and we have been together for almost a year now. Be yourself and always remember that if someone can't understand your social anxiety, they don't deserve you. My boyfriend thought my nervousness was the cutest thing on our first date!