((((Najwa1)))), welcome to psych central. First of all I want to express my deep sympathy for the loss of your brother. A tragic loss can take a lot of time to heal from and it can change the way we look at life and our sense of safety. A person doesn't JUST get over a tragic loss like that either. Actually, it isn't even a question of getting over it, instead it's learning to live and carry on with our lives despite of experiencing such a loss like that.

What stands out to me about the relationship you have described is how this boyfriend you have been with for so many years tends to be selfish about his priorities. How he puts his own needs above yours and can be so cold when you needed love and compassion. You tend to think about HIS needs and he doesn't really think about YOUR needs. The fact that he continued to see this other woman for so long and hid it from you is proof of his selfishness. Not only towards you but this other woman as well. Because you care, you tend to think of this as him not wanting to hurt her, yet, that's YOU and not him.

I think what you need help with is seeing his TRUE nature. By seeing the reality of who he really is you can finally move on with your life. You need to be with others that care about you, and if that means moving back to where these people are and the job that you have that respects your needs to grieve and slowly get your life back, then that is where you should be. It's very hard right now because of how you just lost your brother. To walk away would mean another loss to you. However, these losses are very different and what you need the most is to be with others who care about you. You are not really losing anything if you are with someone who can't provide the kind of caring you need and deserve. And I think it's possible that you wanted to be with someone you thought could love you as you were grieving. That's not what this boyfriend is for you, instead he is cold and selfish. You deserve better and that is what you need help with seeing so you can do what's right for YOU.