I've been reading about Borderline Personality Disorder more in depth and have decided that I have definitely suffered from this my entire life, currently 35. I have read about it in the past but, I don't believe I've ever truly accepted this. I believe doing so will help me to fully accept myself and understand myself.

It's so crazy to me some of the stuff I have read about it describe things I could never explain fully. It seems to affect so many parts of my psyche and life. Over the years, I thought it was depression, addiction (now think those are more symptoms) but when I worked on those in the past, it was like nothing truly changed. I never knew how to say no it feels like something else is wrong with me.

Some things that fit me, chronic feelings of emptiness, unclear or shifting self-image, fear of abandonment, extremely heightened sensitivity and emotion, explosive & undue anger etc, emotions switch quickly as does my perception of others. I can be extremely easily "slighted" and have a hard time with social situations because there's so much to process. I feel/ seem awkward in them. I have a very hard time calming down once I'm "triggered" (sometimes don't even know why) and can't let things go, impulsive, self-destructive behaviors, self-harm in my early 20's.

I belive BPSD has led me to sort of, living my life by emotion in a way, which I believe (a value) should be secondary to reason, which maybe explains why I always feel such a struggle within myself and am unable to accept myself (working very hard on that).

I have been to 17 counseling sessions in a row and I think I have made progress in my intrapersonal skills, and my interpersonal skills. But it's hard for me to keep focus on what I should work on with myself and I think it may be partially BPSD. Does anyone else experience problems in setting/ maintaining long term goals or find they shift a lot?

Anyone with experience, what do you think should be the priority focus? It seems like it's emotion regulation at this point. If that's running my life, I would think that should be the start.