I just keep crying.

I feel like i'm going backwards again. I felt like I was getting somewhere yesterday, being all positive and now i've come crashing back down.

My anxiety has gone right up, even got the weird numb fingers thing I get sometimes.

I've not got any pressure on me to do anything. I was trying to sort out doing something new with my life to try and find a new interest because I finally felt I could. But now I just can't. Going out the house is getting tough again.

Why do I always do this, up and down all the time. Right now I want to give up with my trying to stay on as little meds as I can. I just want to be drugged up and out of it. I've been on so many things and I was hoping to just stick with one anti depressant and one anti psychotic, but I just don't care anymore.

I want someone to make it ok. I feel pathetic admitting it, but I don't think I have it in myself right now to do it. Why is this happening, I don't understand. I should be grateful for my life, but I can't.

It seems like forever that people tell me to think to the future. That things will change. I used to believe it. Now i'm not so sure.