First of all, I think that what you're doing is really smart. I always find it difficult to, but it really is better to figure out quickly if they're not a good match for you, so you don't waste even more time and money with someone that isn't going to be helpful.

Second, the one who told you her life story and that she could help anyone? Ugh! I think you already know this, but what a huge red flag! Glad you didn't go back. Sounds like she has a lot of her own issues still to deal with!

Third... I'm terrible with interviewing them, but I've seen a LOT in the past. I usually lean towards giving them the benefit of the doubt, but then things fall apart after a year or more of therapy (lots of wasted time, money, and energy - plus it's been very discouraging and made it harder for me to trust future therapists).

Do Ts in the UK offer a free phone call before you schedule a first visit? I'm in the US, and this seems to be pretty common. If so, you can sometimes use this to weed out Ts that won't be a good fit. It's a bit difficult for me to go through the call, and then to end with, "I'm not ready to schedule a session, I'd like to think about it" (or if you're more direct, "I'm not sure this is a good fit, so I don't think I want to schedule a session at this point -thanks for your time") - but I've managed a couple times.

I think that's one of the few ways you can make the search more affordable.

It absolutely sucks that you have to pay for a first visit, only to find out that they're not a good fit! I agree, it gets expensive. I wish they'd off a free, first mini-session - not even a full intake, maybe just 20 minutes so that you can see their office, meet them face-to-face, and discuss your goals... so you can both get a sense of each other.

You mentioned that your previous T was a man, but that you don't think it was helpful in the way that you had hoped. Do you have a sense of being more comfortable talking with one gender or the other? Sometimes that can help (i.e. if you've always had stronger friendships with either women or men, that can be a good choice for your therapist).

I'm not sure about the styles. Honestly, I don't know how much of a difference. I almost get the feeling that Ts are just using whatever buzzwords they learned in school to describe themselves... I mean, I'm sure there's more to it than that, but I haven't noticed a huge difference in the Ts that I've seen.

>>Did anyone else struggle to find a T they felt comfortable with?

Yes. Taking a break now, but absolutely. Haven't really found a T that I'm comfortable with at all. I almost feel like it's something about what makes them "T"s. Like, I get triggered super easily, but most Ts I've seen what to immediately push on trauma-type issues. That doesn't work for me, and it immediately (like, from the first session!) erodes trust, making it harder for me to *ever* talk about that stuff.

One thing I do... I've been paying attention to the people in the world (not Ts) that I trust and feel good talking to, and what they do differently. It's really helpful for starting to build a framework of what "safe people" look like to me. It hasn't helped with finding a T though, even when I try to explain to them.

For example, one of the people I trust most and feel most like "myself" with is super non-judging. I can tell him anything, and he just... accepts it. I don't know how he does it, but it makes it really easy to just be me, because I don't feel judged. This seems like therapy-101, but surprisingly, almost all the therapists I've had fail at this, and seem to get irked if I point it out to them!