Hey, Dao. Look, I don't remember what all your meds are--sorry. But if you got to the place where regular ECT was required, you know what that means about the seriousness of your illness and in particular, your depression. They don't even consider ECT for people with garden variety depression. This is serious stuff you have been contending with. And good for you for being so brave to face it head-on. Huge respect for you.

I've posted about this before elsewhere, but any time someone with bipolar talks about d/c'ing all their meds, I am required to just remind us all that, if you do, in fact, have bp disorder, and you do stop your mood stabilizeers, your risk of a big recurrence in the first year is extremely high. Probably about 90% or so. It has been well-studied by smart people. Of course, there are people who manage to do well off meds, I know that. But the data show that they are in the extreme minority, if you actually have the disease.

I stopped all mine in 2012 because I decided in didn't have the disorder any more. I did great for 11 months, mayb a little hypo, but nothing too much. Then, at the beginning of the 12th month, I had a massive mixed recurrence that required a huge amount of work to get under control. It was just awful. Had I had any idea what was coming, I would not even have considered stopping my medication.

Just a story for you.

I am currently uninsured. My Provigil is $800 a month. My pdoc is $175. It is not a good situtaion. I frequently have to forego food in order to afford all my medication. It's just the way it is. I am very familiar with the value of peanut butter. I know how hard it can be. But just talk to your wife and your T and your ECT team. Tell them how you are feeling. See what they think and feel. This is a big decision. You need to get it right.