Quote:
Originally Posted by Kathleen83
My first thought is something I keep telling myself a lot - baby steps. Hold onto the belief that the treatment you are undergoing MIGHT help. Hopefully WILL help.
My CPTSD treatment got cut short very early on, due to complicating factors that had to be dealt with before I can fully participate in that therapy - but I can say, I was able to see huge results fairly quickly. So to answer your question - "healing the trauma", to me, was getting to where I could remember traumatic events that happened, without the huge emotional charge that always came with it prior to treatment.
Which brings me to your next concern - that "fixing" the PTSD won't be enough to fully heal you. I'm proof that it might not. I have other issues, as well as CPTSD. BUT - that does NOT mean that your going thru therapy for it won't fix you - or won't, at least, help you to better than are today, better than you were yesterday.
I hope I'm not making things worse for you. Given what you said about sort of being kicked out of treatment before, I can see where fears about it happening again, or ending too soon, could be totally justifiable fears for you. Have you talked about your fears with your therapist yet?
Can you flip your mindset around, regarding your concerns that you don't know who / what you are without anxiety or depression? Think instead about how interesting and maybe even exciting it might be, to find out?
And finally, your question about can trauma be healed at all? When I first started learning about PTSD, I was taught that the answer was no. That it caused permanent changes in the brain that couldn't be reversed. Basically, a "learn to live with it" situation. That was several years ago. Based on my own experiences with therapy specifically geared to PTSD - I now believe the exact opposite. So, just my own personal opinion, but yes, I do believe trauma can be healed. I hope you get to that point someday yourself, in believing it, in living it.
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What is mostly worrying me is that I will get to a place where I can think of may traumatic experiences without much emotional pain, but that I still get triggered by other things, like things I watch or read, or certain situations..
I haven't talked to my therapist about my concerns about being kicked out, cause I kind of feel like I'd be manipulating her into letting me stay longer than what their resources allow.. if that makes sense? And I haven't talked about my fear of healing my trauma but still be messed up. Only about my fear of not getting better at all.. But I guess I should.
Trying to be excited about finding out about who I am sounds like a good idea, to turn it around like that! I will try to keep that in mind :-) I think part of my uneasiness has to do with how I felt in my early twenties (I'm 35 now), like I could keep on living as someone else or die as myself. That it was impossible to be me and be healthy, that the illness was just who I was. And I think I at some point, unconsciously, started to change, until I felt like I didn't know myself anymore. Then, some years later, when I started to gradually go back to being me, I simultaneously started to get worse again.