I am stressed. I had to take my cat back to the vet for the same issue on Thursday. They recommended surgery. It was that or euthanize him. My son damn near burst into tears at the mere thought of it. So I agreed to the surgery, to the tune of $5000. I had to take out a loan to pay for it. I don’t know how I’m going to pay it back. I simply don’t make enough to pay all my bills. I did the calculations and with this added debt I am left with only $300 a month for gas, food, etc. RS makes significantly more than me and can help out by paying for groceries, etc, but I refuse to let him pay more. I am an independent woman and I had to take help from my grandmother for years when I was married because I was (unknowingly) funding my husband’s drug habit. When he died I became financially independent because I was able to save money on my own now that thousands of dollars wasn’t going to drugs. I even bought my own car for the first time in my life. But now, since I can’t teach anymore, I’ve had to take a significant pay cut.

I’m so frustrated with myself that I can’t teach anymore. But the mere thought of it sends me into a panic. I know I just can’t handle it mentally. So I have to stay in my low paying position in order to maintain sanity.

I’ve been looking for a second job but I can’t do that either. I don’t want to work weekends and can only work from six pm on during the week if I want dinner. Retail doesn’t pay enough. I can’t be out too late because then I won’t be able to get enough sleep. It’s just not feasible. So I’m going to have to do the best I can to budget and not spend any more money than I absolutely have to.

Sigh. Oh well. Nothing I can do. In two years my car will be paid off and that will be $350 off my shoulders. Plus I have all my w2 so I can get my taxes done. I should get a significant amount back because I make so little. That ought to keep me afloat for awhile.