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Feb 01, 2020, 04:49 PM
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Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: Home
Posts: 8,406
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Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Una I hear what you are saying.
No one should try to change anyone else.
But people also have rights to not be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t meet their expectations.
For example pot is legal in my state. I however neither smoke it nor am interested in having a partner who does. There are ton of people who do ton of things I have no interest in and don’t want my partner to partake. Hence I’d not date or marry them.
If op doesn’t want a guy who pays premium Snapchat to look at or hook up with naked women it’s her right. I don’t believe she should change him, I believe she should leave him.
Every time someone says they are upset re porn, ton of people on this forum argue how much they love porn and how much they enjoy their partners to do so. But who cares? How is it helpful? They can enjoy it as much as they want. They are not OP though.
ton of people drink, smoke and do drugs. I can’t care less. I don’t. And don’t want to be married to someone who does. I think it’s just common sense to have preferences. It makes no difference to me what others like in their relationships. OP knows what SHE doesn’t want. What other members of this forum enjoy with their partners is irrelevant
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I agree, Divine, and my point is that it's not the porn, it's the lying, and difference of values. Making out others who have different values as bad is not helpful. OP does not seem compatible with her BF. He is not going to change, nor should he be asked to. I dont think we should enter into relationships and asking our partners to change to stay with us. If you have to ask your partner to change to suit your needs then you're incompatible, IMO.
Why the BF lied instead of just saying "no, I wont do that" I dont know. But I agree with Bill that it seems like she should end it and walk away. Regardless of reason, he does not make her feel good about herself and she doesnt trust him. That seems like a dealbreaker to me.
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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.
Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien
Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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