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Originally Posted by Lilfae
Thanks for sharing this! I especially admire how you deal with it when children ask about it. That's the hardest part, I think. To find a way to explain in a simple way and without scaring them. A girl in my daughter's birthday party asked about mine last year, and I didn't tell the truth, but thinking about it now, after reading your post, I think I maybe should have. I know she's a foster child and that she has had traumatic experiences early in life, so to hear from an adult that you can feel pain inside, but that it can be better if you just tell someone and ask for help, could have been a good thing.. I really like the way you did it! I'll definitely remember that if my own daughter asks about it some day. She hasn't yet.. I do hide new wounds from them, though (I have two, but the oldest knows), cause I think it would be scary for her to know that her mother hurts herself like that. Does anyone have any thoughts on that?
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Thanks, it was really very emotionally empowering when I made that decision.
For most of us I bet we really would have benefited from having people just be open and honest about things with us when we were kids. So that's what I try to do for the kids that I know, I'm just honest about stuff and try not to overreact or be all tense about things. It seems like it's not so much the topic that can scare kids as it is the way we talk about it to them.
If your daughter asks about your scars try not using terms like "mommy hurts herself" that can sound scary. Talk more about the reasons why you SI than about the specifics of the injury. I don't mean going into a lot of details or anything.. just about feelings that you have and how you are working on dealing with those feelings. Things like that. If that makes any sense.
I always try to find the most simple straightforward way to say somthing to kids in order to not upset them. I have explained to many kids about how my brother and sister died, and they don't end up scared or freaked out. My sister died from suicide, and my brother died from an overdose.
With kids I'm always prepared that they might have a parrent who'll be all freaked out that I'm so honest when their kid asked about my scars. And i just have to stay calm and let the kid know it was ok for them to ask, even if the parent freaked out.
I feel like its becoming more of an open topic among young kids, probably because they see YouTube'rs talk about it, and guidance counselors might too now days, I don't know.
One of my friends kids just randomly told me one day about her own self injury. She was a preteen at the time. I actually hadn't ever mentioned my SI to her, but I wonder if she just knew without having to ask because of her own experience. She wanted help stopping it because she felt embarrassed about it in her new grade with new girls who she didn't alread talk about it with. So I gave her some ideas of how she could cope with the urges by doing other things. In her case gel nail polish really helped her because she could paint it on and then pick at that instead. I told her that it would be good for her to talk with her therapist, that she already was seeing, about it too. I also told her that I knew her mom would want to help her, and we talked with her together. Her mom had the idea to let her get fake nails (because her SI often involved damaging her nails). Her mom had known about the damage but she had thought it was from unconsciously bitting her nails, and she had thought that the daughter just had some skin problems that caused bleeding around the nails. Between the practical tips and her mom and therapist helping her deal with emotions, she was able to get to where she didn't damage her nails anymore, which was her goal that she set for herself. And just in time for starting high school. She is a couple years into high school now.