This is already a really tough relationship to begin with, but I am hoping love will prevail.

I love this man with all my heart, and he loves me in return, more so than any other man I have been with in my entire life. Maybe the fact that he deals with addiction (as have I), that our desperation for each other makes this love so intense, but to me, he is the best thing to ever happen to me in my whole life.

I can't compete with his addiction. I can't. Tonight he is missing, probably on some drug binge, even though he is just one week out of rehab. I never wanted to be with an addict, only because I never thought I could handle the competition with an addict's habits.

How amazingly on point I was.

Somehow, I feel breaking up with someone because of their addiction is hypocritical, especially with my past, my bipolar, my hospitalization record numbers, and my overall madness - mainly when he deals with some of the same afflictions.

I love him, and I want to make this work - but I can't force him to stop using, especially since he's tried to quit for many years before me. He has a lot of delusions on top of this, which I handle pretty well considering. This may seem to as an insensitive statement, but his crazy knows my crazy REALLY well. In a world where dating as a bipolar woman is extra tedious and excruciating, I found a partner that loves me for me and all of me.

I wonder if love is enough to save us.

I wish I knew where he was and if he's alright.