You have been used to what sounds like a life on-the-edge, lots of stress, and always some potential blow up to deal with...
This can be hard to let go of even if it will be much healthier for you to let go---find activities that you can enjoy alone and with others (tours, meet-ups, local events)--I think it is important to get out and find activities that use time and energy (?crafts?physical activities?volunteering)--- a good female therapist could be a real help. ((((hug)))