It's been high time jazza1 that you have been finally able to be set free from the cage you were trapped in. Basically, what you are actually dealing with is not knowing how to live without the cage you were trapped in due to your husbands ongoing issues. It's similar to someone finally getting out of jail after being incarcerated for 33 years. They genuinely do not know any other way to live their lives and they are free but don't know what to do with their freedom.

The lonely and lost feeling you have is not about ever really being loved the way you deserved. It's not really like losing a "loving" husband either. You did not even have a chance to love yourself, discover yourself either, your life was literally all about him. Truth is, you were always alone, you just did not know it. It's time to self discover, to learn how to love yourself and maybe for the first time ever. Anything that is NEW to us brings uncertainty and fear and a sense of "being lost". The key is, take it one day at a time and finally just find YOURSELF.

A good place to start is by going to alanon meetings and see if their are recovery groups for codepency. You my dear have lived your life being a codependent, time to heal from that existence. It's a good way to meet others like you also looking to heal and grow.