Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyMop
I do think in my mind I was overly critical. I never, ever said a word though. I’ve never criticized or given her advice. I don’t state opinions, I don’t argue. My counselor thinks that my feelings showed through even though I never said them.
He also said that just because she has angry feelings about me not doing what she wanted or helping like she wanted doesn’t mean I have to guilt myself. That was an empowering thing for me to hear. He said her feelings about something don’t mean I have to feel the same way.
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Lily
I did the exact opposite. I gave time. I have money. I did not keep my feelings about her lifestyle to myself.
I gave mostly to her children. But that was a gift to her as well. I do not regret giving to my grandchildren. I needed to fill the gaps. They had a good life because my husband and I stepped in.
Nevertheless, the outcome is the same as yours. Worse really. I have no contact.
This is about my children's choices not mine. Not yours. I have questioned my choices and I believe I gave too much. So? Others might be grateful? I always believed my children would appreciate and love me in my declining years. They do not. This reflects who they are. Perfection is not a requirement for most people to love their mother. I was not perfect but I did my best and did not abuse or abandon them. I love them. But I will not allow anyone to dismiss me as they have done with out speaking my mind.
I think what you did was right. She was not in your life and you still made plans to help her if she came back. You sent gifts. You told her you love her, I'm sure.
Hang in there. You were a good mom. There is a phrase in psychological theory, " the good enough mom". We were.