Hello questionable: I know you're looking for advice preferably from PC members who've been in similar circumstances. And that's not me. (I'm just an old man.) However this appears to have been your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.

You asked which one of the two men you're involved with you should choose. I guess perhaps I'm from the old school. But I don't think you can "engineer" relationships the way you seem to want to. My thinking on this would be to be open & honest with both men about your relationships & simply see where it all leads... if anywhere. Perhaps one of them will leave you anyway, which will make up your mind for you (better before you marry them than afterward.) Perhaps both of them will turn tail & run. Well... you said you weren't necessarily wanting to marry again anyway. And, there again, better to have them disappear now than to get married & then have them take off. Or, perhaps, having everything open & above board will result in you gradually seeing a pathway forward. Will it be the right one? There's never any way to know for sure when it comes to relationships. One just has to do the best one can & see where things go. But at least it will all have been done openly & honestly... no secrets.

My personal prejudice is that "the truth will out" one way or another, as the saying goes. If you continue on down the path you're treading now, my thinking is it is likely to blow up in your face sooner or later. I'm quite certain that's not what you wanted to hear. But that's my perspective regarding what you wrote. Perhaps other PC members will have other thoughts. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.