After much consideration I have decided not to go off of depakote. The reason for this is if **** hits the fan, I will have no one to blame but myself. It’s irresponsible to take that chance and possibly ruin my relationships with my family and my job. I would love to be on just one med; but I need to discuss it with my pdoc first, not just quit because I feel like it. I quit the haldol because of a real concern, the possibility that I was having extra pyramidal symptoms which could develop into TD. The fact that my pdoc didn’t seem at all concerned about the facial movements drove my decision to quit on my own. And knowing that haldol works pretty rapidly made me more confident, because if I do develop symptoms I can start again and get relief quickly. Depakote is not the same. Depakote must build up to the proper blood level. If I go off and go bananas, it might take quite awhile to reign it back in. Not a chance I should take.

I must admit, one of the reasons I wanted to stop was the lure of hypomania. I haven’t been hypomanic in two years and I miss it. But the last time I was hypomanic, aside from being absolutely enthralled with life, I was also massively paranoid. I believed my food could be poisoned if I didn’t watch it at all times. I believed the police would pull me over and find a reason to arrest me and throw me in jail. I believed my school was tracking me through cameras and the key card system to watch when I entered and exited the building and punish me for it. It was not fun. So while SOME of it was fun, a lot of it definitely was not. And then there was the horrible, crushing depression I crashed into after it was all over. The depression that caused me to dangerously over serve and mix meds that shouldn’t be mixed at the level I was taking them.

So, I’ve decided that for now I will stay on it. I have no real side effects as long as I don’t go above 1000mg. The combination seems to be working for me. I only had that episode of depression in September because my job stressed me out so much. Once I quit that job, it went away. So for now, two meds it is for me.