This Fibromyalgia flare-up, mainly exhaustion, is starting to get me down. It limits my capacity immensely so I am missing out on a lot of life (catching up with people, being able to engage with life etc.). It is like every cell in my body is running on empty, and my brain is mush. This has been going on a month now so I am getting discouraged. In the past it has set in like this or worse and stayed for months on end. I do all I can to combat it; eat very healthy, meditate, force myself to push past the exhaustion to socialise to avoid being alone in my flat too much, and do 30 minutes of moderate exercise every second day. Plus take some supplements. I know my body is bearing the burden of the stress of decades of trauma and bipolar. I just don't know if it will recover. If it doesn't I feel my life is over. I am a very motivated person. A life of laying on the couch is not for me. So I push myself to keep up with errands etc, but not so much that I crash worse.
The physical exhaustion can be crippling, but it is the cognitive issues that cause me the most distress. Conversations can be challenging. I lose track, forget what is being said, and find my mind goes blank a lot. I am not depressed but this can be similar to the problems some people have when very depressed. I have to have hope that this is going to improve or I will drown in despair. Psychologically I am well thankfully. This helps me keep fighting.
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Bipolar 1 with psychotic features
PTSD
"Phew! For a minute there I lost myself."
'Karma Police' by Radiohead
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