i don't have a work gripe but i just wanted to write this down somewhere. i am pretty new at my job and one of the sups wanted to find out more about my past work experience. i told her my resume was quite spotty and she asked me why. i hesitated and could not bring myself to explain. i could not bring myself to explain that for many years, i was in so much emotional pain over the guilt of my pets' deaths that i could not work in a regular job. i just temped. i could not tell her my pets meant so much to me because i was so emotionally neglected (albeit unintentionally) as a child that animals were all that i had. i could not explain that my guilt was also because my mother played favorites. she coddled me because i was her only natural child and my sister was very jealous and i felt terrible about that. i had actually told one coworker a little about my emotional pain thinking she was my friend but she later on cruelly used it against me. that is why i hesitated today.

i recently started watching youtube videos on marilyn van derbur. she is a former ms america and is an incest survivor. she told her story after many years of hiding her pain and she overcame the shame she felt of her past and went on to thrive as a motivational speaker. i was not sexually abused like she was but i was fascinated by how telling her truth freed her. i wish i could be as open with my past. i have tried so hard to heal but i still have a way to go i guess. i wish i could explain me to the people around me. one person said hiding our past is one of the hardest things we have to do and we shouldn't have to do it.