I went into the city to have my stem cells harvested. It was a nasty business but I am done and back home. I am not going to have the stem cell transplant unless the cancer comes back. My cancer count is at 0.1 presently. It gives me about 4 to 5 years they say. Interesting the timing. It caused me to wonder if I die at 68 because I didn't do the transplant. I don't know. Maybe with the transplant I could live into my 70's. I don't know.

I actually started this message to ask if anyone has experienced a similar experience. It has happened twice to me. Both times I felt like I was outside the world looking in. Not that I could see myself but like I was stuck between what I feel is reality and what I think is reality. It causes me to feel empty and alone even if I am around people I love. There is great fear but no reason for it except the experience I am having. I stayed in this experience on and off for 4 days. I came out of it while eating breakfast with my city and later while walking in Central Park.She accompanied me for support for the three days.We also took a carriage ride, It was fun. Oddly the carriage driver asked if the ride was a part of my bucket list. Any way, When I got back to my sisters home I fell into that oppressive mind set.I was again stuck between what I felt was my reality and what I thought was reality. I had another panic attack. I had had one in the city in the night. This attack was again at night. I took zoloft and I think it helped me sleep. I am not supposed to take zoloft because I had to self detox from it three years ago. I am in the process of finding a psy and changing to prozac. I was feeling better by sunday late day and monday I was fine. Has anyone experienced anything similar. If so and you wish to share please let me know