I am so sad. I pray about this and ask God to fix my brain. 10 years of MDD, Panic d/o and some more stuff.

I have bad dreams. Not dreams that are nightmares. Just like I'm searching for my car and can never find it. Last night I dreamed about my mother who has been dead almost 35 years. She was letting me know she had a new mattress and it slept really good. After that I was back in high school at my current age and I couldn't understand why.

All this makes me anxious and sad. I live over 100 miles from my grandchildren and have to make appointments to see them 9,7 and almost 2. I know people's lives are busy, but seriously. My husband and I have to get a motel b/c they don't have the room. Even me when I'm alone and I've slept on their couch many times when they only had 2 children. I can only stay a few hours b/c I don't drive well at night.

When I was there last my grandson 9, told me I could move in with them. They miss me. I miss them. I explained that I lived and worked somewhere else but I would like to see them more. I told my son yesterday that I was troubled b/c they knew the church people better than they know me. Especially the baby. He hasn't seen me enough to even let me hold him or play with him very much.

I am just so, so sad and not much to do about it.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Yak