I understand- I love reading as well, but sometimes I struggle with actually doing it. And when I do, lately I've been going back to old classics I've known since I was a kid (like the Sherlock Holmes collection, Lord of the Rings, and L.M. Montgomery books like Emily of New Moon and Jane of Lantern Hill), instead of sorting through new stuff to find interesting things. I should get better about that! I love Harry Potter as well- I haven't read those for a few years so they're about due for a reread. I'll definitely have to check out "A Man Named Ove," though- that sounds really interesting.

I looked into Jordan Peterson a bit- looks like he works with Big Five personality traits. I've checked into Big Five before, and I know it has a solid basis. I also enjoy MBTI- not the basic testing, but on a deeper level where cognitive functions and functional stacks are also considered. It's all very fascinating. What are the main things you've pulled from Peterson's research? Is personality typing something that interests you? Personally, it has helped me a lot, especially in my teens when I was trying to figure out who I was and why I didn't seem to fit.

Also, I wanted to address a main point you made in your original post, where you asked about whether others struggle with the building up of anxiety into depression. I do too. For me I've realized that it is cyclical, in that the anxiety and/or sadness and feelings of existential hopelessness will build into depression, then one day the depression breaks, and I'll feel pretty good for awhile (until it builds up again). One of the bigger things I've learned in trying to cope with that is recognizing that those thoughts are not the core of my identity. I try to look at them from another angle- I accept that they are there, but also recognize that they have no direct power over me. They are separate- just symptoms. Once they are isolated, I try to do healthy coping mechanisms like exercise, stress relief, taking time for myself, learning something new, etc. Even if I don't get a chance to use the coping mechanisms, just looking at my thoughts from another angle helps sometimes. I don't know why, but doing that makes it less overwhelming and it seems like I have more control.

At work, I'm usually ok, though. The "customer service persona" really, really helps. Keep in mind that when you start working, it's likely that no one you know will be there. You can be who you want to be without question, and you don't have to share anything you don't want to. You will not be burdened by the perceptions of the people closest to you. That sounds bad, but sometimes it is good to get out there and forge your own path