Hey Emerald,

I will be 35 in about a month so I can relate Emerald. It's frustration for me but also a relief because it explains so many things in my life and why I think/ act certain ways.
I have about a week until I see my therapist again where I've decided I'm going to bring up my findings on BPD. Therapist may know already or disagree which is fine. If she does
I will listen. I'm personally almost certain this has impacted my life since I was 17-18 and I started to go down hill of sorts in my life trajectory. But then again I'm not a trained professional.

I guess we have been doing CBT. I'm definitely better than I was at recognizing when I'm in an emotional state and limiting my time there. I still shift very quickly between emotions and as this book I started
was describing, like sometimes I'll feel just down, empty. For no reason, and it seems like I've always felt that way. Like I don't keep a cohesive sense of self or time to remember, "hey yesterday was an amazing day,
nothing bad has happened or anything since." But the key for me that I remember is to just be mindful, which I'm exploring more.

Great post Crypts about some cognitive distortions. I am trying to work on practicing shifting my thinking too. I believe I've made a lot of progress but sometimes it doesn't feel like I've made any at all, can easily turn into negative self talk.

I got a book called "Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder" and just got to some of the cognitive distortions, things like: Black and white thinking, filtering, catastrophizing, pathological certainty. It says mindfulness is a key to help with BPD. I have had some experience with that being true but seem to have fallen back into my emotions and brain. For a while I was out of them and just living. I keep popping up and freeing myself but then seem to come back to my emptyness and self loathing.

Maybe it's just practice and time. I was this way for a long time without questioning it and working on it. Thanks for letting me ramble.