I feel trapped and I am not. I choose to stay miserable. Depression is anger turned inward. I just accept this is my fate while I pray for relief. I passively hope some external force will end my suffering in some way. I’m not sui. I don’t dislike myself, I do love myself.

I can’t get my needs met because he doesn’t comprehend or have the ability to deliver, no matter how effectively I explain. I can’t let go of my deep seeded need. Trauma based need for redemption. I accept I’ll never feel what I need to feel.