First, let me say - you are NOT a monster. I know it can be easy to feel that way bc of how others react to you or some things the therapist may say to.you - but it's not true.

It is very hard to "rewire" your brain - I agree. I worked on simply changing how I spoke first

Example
Instead of saying "I always hurt people" - I would change if to "It seems like I hurt people more often than not." Or instead of saying "I will never be loved", I changed it to "I don't know if I will ever be loved."

Change "absolute" words to those which can go either way - yet still show the way you are feeling the most clear.

It takes a lot of thought and intention to do that at first - but then you get more used to.it n you find the absolute language really only gets bad when you are feeling either close to emotionally unstable or already are emotionally unstable

After that started getting easier- I started analyzing out situations and my reactions to them before I acted on things.

As an example:
Someone says "I have to go now, but we will talk tomorrow."
When tomorrow comes - the person never says anything to you - doesn't even try to contact you.

My "go to" reaction would generally be to believe I did something wrong and beat myself up over it

So - before doing so - I learned to think:
What other possibilities could there be for not talking to me?
1. The person became extremely busy and it just never crossed their mind
2. The person forgot
3. Some emergency came up and the person had to take care of that.

Then consider what other reactions you could have
1. Talk to the person n ask what happend
2. Limit communication and/or interactions with the person
3. Stop talking to the person

Finally - decide what seems to be the healthiest action to take.

Doing those things has helped me be able to cope a bit better. It's not an overnight fix though. It takes a lot of work

Everytime I went for counseling, I kept being treated with CBT and it did nothing for me - sonI literally had to find ways of helping myself. Back them I was limited as to.what therapists I could use bc of my insurance- and it just happened al the therapists my insurance allowed - were CBT.

If you are able to get a therapist that does something other than CBT it may be greatly beneficial to you.

Just dont ever give up.- n never give in to the stigmas others may try to push onto you as being "truth". ❤

Good luck! ❤❤