Angel Girl, I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time right now. Bi-polar can be so mean and treachorous. You're doing the right thing by letting it all out here and getting some support. From what I can tell from posts all over this site, you are well liked, cared about and concerned for. I know how hard it is at a time like this to see the positive or any good at all, but you've got to try. It's so important to be doing good and healthy things for yourself at times like this, regardless of how you feel. Take a bubble bath, light some candles. Try to find someplace beautiful you can go to like the mountains, or the ocean, a river, the forest. Don't spend too much alone...that just makes things worse. Do you have any hobbies? I like to watch movies, sometimes when I'm in the place you're in it helps to escape into a good movie...live vicariously through the movie characters for a little while. It helps to step outside yourself for a little bit and just take a break.
I hope this helps some. I know we're not here to fix you, but I feel your pain and torment and just so desperately want to help you out of it. Know that you're not alone and you will get through this eventually.

And please, please be careful with those meds. Sometimes they can add to the depression and make things go from bad to worse.
I'll be thinking of you. TgrsPurr.