I hope what I am about to write will help: I'm guessing you and your husband are in your late 40s to early 60s. It sounds to me like your husband is having a mid-life crisis/has forgotten his wedding vows/been seduced by the notion that a woman 12 years younger than he means he is somehow magically a young buck again. That's one thing.

The second thing is when you write "I have never been alone in my life." A friend of mine is going through a terrible time right now because her husband died, not suddenly, but after a relatively brief and gruesome illness. She also has little family and few friends in the area, which gives her a lot of alone time. She just doesn't know what to do with herself.

So you have two issues, really. One you can start working on right away. Has your counseling helped at all? It is not a quick fix although when I started counseling (for a different issue) I did feel somewhat better right away just for the sheer fact that I was doing something positive for myself. If it has been a year and you don't feel even a bit better or that no progress has made, you may need a different counselor. I would discuss this at your next session. And while we are on the topic of yourself--what are you doing for yourself? Have you done anything positive or pleasant for yourself? I urge you to try that. No, it doesn't fix a broken marriage, but it can be a pleasant diversion to go to dinner with one of your children or to go to the movies with a grandchild, or lunch with a friend. Or get your hair done or whatever it is you can enjoy without consideration for the hubs.

A couple of other things I suggest which may be controversial but I am thinking of you and your feelings, not your hubs, not the woman he is basically shacking up with. Have you told your husband that you spoke your wedding vows with conviction and expected that he did too and that you want to know when he is going to enter marital therapy with you because you are not ready to throw in the towel on your marriage (assuming you are still legally married)? Furthermore, if you are legally married, you expect him to provide you with an address because you would need it in the event of an emergency and you deserve it as his legal spouse. And lastly, I would write his girlfriend a letter (not call her, write it, so she can read it over and over) and tell her what a lowdown thing she is doing encouraging a married (If you are still married) man to desert his wife and shirk his marital responsibilities and while I was at it I would point out she is setting an extremely poor example for her teenage children.

Now I know a lot of people are going to get all squeamish about that and want to argue "oh, divorce happens!" Well, accidental amputations happen too, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to prevent them, and to repair them when they happen.

If you are already legally divorced, much of what I have written will be water over the dam. Except the counseling--always a good idea for shocking events we cannot handle well on our own.

However, if your husband has simply slunk off and the decree isn't final, I think you have every right to assert yourself.

And to go back to my widowed friend. I'm glad she had a happy marriage. That's a wonderful thing. But everyone should try to develop healthy living skills for the unforeseen, the accidental, the sudden events. I had the good fortune to meet her husband and I know he would not want her to be suffering like she is now.

And I say the same to you. You deserve happiness. And if your present situation does not provide for that, gather your resources (a better counselor, a trusted friend, an adult child) for moral/emotional support and start rebuilding your life in a way that provides for joy and peaceful existence even if he does not come back.

P.S. People cheating and leaving their spouse isn't always (and probably usually isn't) about someone being more or less beautiful. It originates inside the cheater and they might not even know why they are doing what they are doing (although many are quick to allow the cheated upon take the blame/guilt. <--that is human nature.

I hope what I have written helps. I empathize with your deep grief.