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Feb 06, 2020, 01:18 AM
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Member Since: Jan 2020
Location: Washington
Posts: 6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
@ Embarrassing, are you still with us? I hope you're not overwhelmed by all the responses on here.
Many different opinions have been offered. I've stated many times myself that it ultimately comes down to how YOU feel about his porn habit, whether YOU can live with it or not, and whether YOU feel you can trust him. It doesn't matter what any of us think because we all have differing opinions on porn and whether it's healthy in a relationship or not. Some people say it's perfectly healthy, and some say it's damaging.
What matters is your own feelings on this, and if it hurts your feelings, pay attention to that and don't dismiss it.
And to answer your questions directly, it's not up to YOU to build the trust. It's up to your boyfriend to not lie to you and to REBUILD the trust with YOU.
Since you need to discuss this with him, even if it's uncomfortable for him, I would ask him point blank: are you talking to women sexually on Snapchat or otherwise? Be prepared that he may lie to you about this, and he may not give you a straight answer. He may shut down again and refuse to discuss it in detail with you. IF he does that, I think you have your answers. A healthy relationship involves open and honest communication. If that doesn't exist, you will have a very difficult marriage and it will be dysfunctional and problematic.
The problem is is that he's hidden this Snapchat Premium from you for the last two years. You now know that this type of Premium account involves sexual chat and personal sexual 1:1 encounters.
Can you trust him even if you try to speak with him about this? Just know that you may not get straight answers.
I know that you love him, that you feel he is your best friend, and that you feel you are compatible otherwise, which makes it all so very difficult and that much more painful to walk away. But this is VERY important, especially if you are talking about getting married and having children.
You have to ask yourself: is this how I want to live the rest of my life? The potential for continued secrecy is very high. |
We have discussed the this a little bit and he has said he doesn't actually speak to any of the women or pay for anything on there he just watches/ views their snapchats and I do think he's telling the truth about that but , all snapchats are only able to be viewed once and then disappear unless it is sent to your "story" which can be viewed by friends for up to 24hrs. So if he was talking to them all evidence would be gone by now any way. Just the fact that this was all done on snapchat which is kinda the sneakiest app out there makes me feel more insecure. But I think everyone on here is right I think the main issues are his lying & not respecting my boundaries-he knew I view porn as cheating I made that clear from the beginning and my own insecurity issues & attempts to change him ( since I also have known he does this since very early on) I guess I just wish he would have told me he had no intentions of quitting from that start so we could have handled or ended things years ago. Again I really appreciate everyone respecting my feelings so much, you all are teaching me to show myself the same respect I have received from all of you. Thank you
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