HI Embarrassing. Welcome to Psych Central. I am sorry you are in such a difficult relationship. You are a sincere and compassionate person but there is so much going on with them that it may be time to put any decisions for the future on pause.

Unfortunately, in my experience, we do not change other people. We can only change how we react to the person and situation. A professional counselor may give you a more informed opinion of what to do or lead you through the options.

I hear that you are confused and hurt by this situation. If I felt as uncertain as you express in your first post, I would make sure to use precautions in case there is another woman[or women] and also to avoid unplanned baby and postpone marriage until all my doubts were alleviated.

Where I am coming from in my own experience in several relationships, is that when things did not seem to be going as planned, that it continued that way. It did not get better. It often got worse. So where I am after all this is just being a lot more careful about relationships and commitments. If I stay with someone it is with open eyes and no expectations of things changing.

But what you do is up to you because you are the one that will experience the consequences of whatever you decide. I hope you get the support you are looking for. If a counselor or therapist is not possible even a support group might help.

Feel free to reply to this post or send a PM if you prefer to message in private.
@CANDC