Quote:
Originally Posted by Embarrassing
Yes I am still here and reading all of these. Some of this is just hard to hear. I am an insecure person I guess and I just hadn’t realized until I got into a relationship. The porn does truly make me very uncomfortable and I I have spent the last few days trying to think about if I can really live with it or not. And sadly the lying and porn use aren’t the only red flags I’ve noticed and decided to ignore.. I guess I just love him so much I thought I could fix or learn to live with all of his flaws. I tend to only see the good in people even if there isn’t much. Sometime I think he really could be a narcissist and other times I just think he’s young and a tad selfish which isn’t so bad. But I think I do need to be real with myself and him and have the difficult conversation I guess I’m just still unsure of what outcome I want to see. Even if he agreed to never look at porn again I wouldn’t believe him and I would feel so guilty for asking. I do have a very hard time talking about difficult conversations not just with him but everyone in my life. I appreciate all the kindness and encouragement from everyone on here it means so much to me. It was extremely hard for me to post on here because I am such a private person and I tend to deal with all of my problems alone. I get embarrassed really easily so even though there are 50 comments on here the ones that sink in the most are the negative ones but I think I need to hear those too. I have been wanting to go to counseling now for quite some time to work on my insecurity and depression issues I think pretending they don’t exist isn’t working for me anymore. And maybe with some help I can find the strength I need to leave or the security within myself to actually accept him
|
Dear Embarrassing...Thank you for your candid post. I want to tell you that where you are in your life is Okay. It's okay to feel insecure and to embarrass easily, despite that being difficult for you. Someday you won't be in this spot emotionally, but right now you are, and it's ok. It is not okay for anyone to be harsh and make you you (or anyone else), feel badly for having thoughts and feelings that differ from their own. Some people have different perspectives, and have emotional reactions, and do not know how to appropriately express them to another person. This is also, a mental health forum, and everyone is in a different place in their lives, like you. So if you can, keep that in mind when reading the negative comments.
It's hard! And it doesn't make it okay for them to say hurtful / rude things. It's an explanation though, and a way to not take their words as personally.
As for your boyfriend and you, and after all you've said, I will say, do what's best for you in this moment. That may not necessarily mean "leave him yesterday." I hope you know though, that your feelings are very valid. Some people, as some have stated in this thread even, like to watch porn in their relationships and don't have an issue with it. Some, do not like this. There is no right or wrong. I can hear you wanting to...needing an answer about this that makes you feel okay. I wonder if some of that has to do with your boyfriend acting like it's no big deal? Or others acting like it's not big deal? And also from your own insecurity? Insecurity is no small thing. It eats us up inside. But really, I'd like to see you respect where you're at. I'd also like to see you someday feel like you do not have to change how you feel to suit others, the possible "majority" etc. It's (watching porn) a big deal for some though. And it's a big deal for you. And that's okay. That means your a fully functioning complex and diverse human who has rights and deserves respect.
You mentioned you were wanting to seek counseling. I fully support this. Counseling with a good counselor could really help you. Maybe that's where you need to go first before you try to figure this all out about what to do with your bf.
