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Originally Posted by Embarrassing
Yes I am still here and reading all of these. Some of this is just hard to hear. I am an insecure person I guess and I just hadn’t realized until I got into a relationship. The porn does truly make me very uncomfortable and I I have spent the last few days trying to think about if I can really live with it or not. And sadly the lying and porn use aren’t the only red flags I’ve noticed and decided to ignore.. I guess I just love him so much I thought I could fix or learn to live with all of his flaws. I tend to only see the good in people even if there isn’t much. Sometime I think he really could be a narcissist and other times I just think he’s young and a tad selfish which isn’t so bad. But I think I do need to be real with myself and him and have the difficult conversation I guess I’m just still unsure of what outcome I want to see. Even if he agreed to never look at porn again I wouldn’t believe him and I would feel so guilty for asking. I do have a very hard time talking about difficult conversations not just with him but everyone in my life. I appreciate all the kindness and encouragement from everyone on here it means so much to me. It was extremely hard for me to post on here because I am such a private person and I tend to deal with all of my problems alone. I get embarrassed really easily so even though there are 50 comments on here the ones that sink in the most are the negative ones but I think I need to hear those too. I have been wanting to go to counseling now for quite some time to work on my insecurity and depression issues I think pretending they don’t exist isn’t working for me anymore. And maybe with some help I can find the strength I need to leave or the security within myself to actually accept him
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Based on your post, it seems you feel bad for asking him to stop, when it is within your right to ask your partner to stop behaviors that hurt you. But as I stated before, I don't think he would stop for your benefit; I suspect he would just get better at hiding it.
It also seems, based on what you're telling us, that you may be settling for far less than what you may truly want and deserve. It's wise to not just believe the best in someone. You have to view the person realistically, flaws and positives, and decide if they truly are compatible with you.
Just because we may love someone doesn't mean they are marriage material for us or compatible for the long-haul.
Maybe try to use logic rather than emotion while determining if this is truly what you want and need. Our emotional side can get in the way of making the wisest decisions for ourselves and can blind us to the realities.
I feel for you. I really do. I can see how difficult this is for you.