I think this situation is part of the many chaotic situations that come from having a toxic substance induced relationship. You have become codependent on her and of course you have anxiety that maybe if she recovers she won’t need you anymore. A functioning alcoholic is an alcoholic in denial. The disease is progressive so we cannot think we are more powerful or in control of it. There is no shame in seeking help and becoming sober. But it’s a journey you have to walk by yourself because it is a personal healing. Let your woman have this time with herself. She may relapse many times or whatever happens, but you cannot try to be the center of her universe and receive her undivided attention while she’s is in recovery. That is not fair. Especially if you agree that her healing and peace is more important than your feelings right now.

I think you should use this time to also get help. Resolve any pain of abandonment, rejection, or need for approval you have carried from childhood. These are the root causes of addiction later in life. Go on your own journey. Even if your love with this woman doesn’t survive, atleast both of you have gained back your lives. You don’t need substances to make life brighter again.

Healing should be your top priority. Give her space to make up her own decisions regarding her old lifestyle (which involves you). And if a separation is what SHE needs to begin her healing/recovery, then understand that she is doing this because she desires what we all desire and that is to feel whole and at peace within ourselves. You should desire this for your wife as well. You should also desire this for your self! The conflict/drama is created because both of you are in a toxic substance induced situation. Remove the substances and everything will become clear.