Quote:
Originally Posted by AzulOscuro
It’s sad, isn’t it. This is the paradox for someone with bpd and what makes always a lose-lose situation. Your main fear is to be abandon by the person you care, however at the same time, trying to sabotage this relation so the abandonment is more likely to take place.
It’s as if the constant suffering for the uncertainty of losing this person was even harder than the grieving pain for the already lost.
It’s not so deep but for a person with social anxiety is a little similar. The pain to fail in a social situation is even worse than the sadness for avoiding this social situation. Even both are considered failure.
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This is a part of the tragedy with close intimate relationships, especially romantic. It can be so frustrating.
I remember in past relationships, I could tell my actions/ words were pushing my significant other away, despite my best intentions. This fed my fear of being abandoned and losing them, which further increased doing the things causing them to be pushed away! They would just tell me they loved me and wanted me to "be myself" which was so foreign to me back then. What they were saying made logical sense but I could not get out of my head about it. Then when they did leave, it was such a blow to my self esteem because I blamed myself almost exclusively every time. Never really got it. Man this BPD is no joke, it really is difficult because there are so many aspects to it.