I hope your sorrow is less acute. You made yourself knowledgeable about your budgies. You learned more through Dolly's illness. In hindsight you wish you understood more sooner. That's natural, but you're not allowing for being human. That's not fair to you.

My beloved dog had liver cancer and severe Cushing's Syndrome. I discovered this late in her disease. There were signs, of course. I wish I had gotten more concerned sooner. I feel like she had suffering I could have done something about sooner. If I get another dog, I will be way more careful about keeping up with veternary care. This is how we learn.

I look back and think I was stupider than I had a right to be . . . because I am a nurse. But I've forgiven myself. I loved her. I would have done some things very differently, if she hadn't been my first dog. I put a great deal of effort into making her life happy. I read and taught myself a lot about the needs of her breed. It sounds like that is exactly what you do. I made very considerable sacrifices to promote her well-being. But I didn't know everything that would have been good to know. And I did have other responsibilities. So I forgive myself. My next dog will be the beneficiary of a lot I learned from having my first dog. That's how it goes in life, and I believe we have to accept that. Don't hold yourself to an impossible standard. I believe that's unwise and wrong. Don't waste your mental energy regretting that you weren't born knowing everything. Value experience and how you can grow from it.