Thank you mote.of.soul - In our fighting I did try to convey that...just not so well. I told her I understand everyone who is there is venerable and that I understand everyone is making bonds. But there are those out there that are predators. They know what to look for and how to use that. They will always have the upper hand because once a tight bond is made and boundaries are not set than it's all a matter of patience and time for them. They have the high ground. Everyone before though is correct, my actions have probably contributed to enforcing they direction with them. Instead of attacking the problem I am attacking the people. When she was making time for him, excuses to spend time with him, and reasoning to lower my value vs his higher values at no fault..I'm not justifying anything...what I am saying though is that this is what I am feeling. This does not make me right or correct in how I handled or expressed what I have done. My take away is trust...and I haven't given that.

I know a shark when I see one...and I'm not trying to be condescending but I will. I'm not the one who she met who is a recovering heroine addict. I know a great many addicts. I understand that an addict is an addict regardless of what they are using..I have been on all sides of the spectrum in life. An addict is an addict....whether drugs or any substitution to make up for not using drugs. I know I did the same things. They will use people until there is no more value. He is there on state aide and court orders. She is there because of the insurance provided by me. She is of value because if a divorce happens he's got everything under the belt as far as finances go because since no boundaries were made or set...my value albeit my own cause or otherwise is lower vs. his. There is a very fine line between bonding and going to for advice and help and bonding so that you can jump from one ship to the next because the second ship provides an irresistible escape from the last.

Nothing of...my husband is an ignorant ****ing *** *** and I hate his guts...but I can see what he's trying to say even though it's out of spite, fear, or hatred...It was nothing buthe's the bad guy and please save me from him. I have to face the reality and respect everyone's actual knowledge of what they have been through going in to rehab in one hand. I also have to argue with my paranoid confirmation bias developed from the black and white that I have in the other hand. I am no disrespecting or will I argue with what anyone who has taken the time and patience to give to me on this thread. I am listening. I am trying to learn. And I am trying to apply and understand what you all are sharing. I can't thank anyone one person here enough for taking the time. I will continue to go to NA meetings and look in to AA meetings. I will try my best to honor what you are doing by following through with what I need to do. For my kids and the damages I've done and to be there so if and when they are at the same road I can at least light a way so that they are not as lost, scared or without the information that I did not have. I told her a long time ago, if I messed up that bad then sure if you feel it's the right thing to do than leave me. That I would support her medically and financially until she was set. However if she's going to double dip to play it safe. To have her backup finances ...Than no. I messed up, I have been wrong, I will admit my wrongs. But give me one last respect by just saying it's over before you begin your next page in life. This does not make me wrong, this is what makes me what I am feeling...what I feel like. Used...whether I am good or bad in anyone person's eyes.