I was apparently the first client in Dr. T's more than 15 years of private practice to ask for a transitional object. But shortly before I asked for one, he told me how one of his clients confessed in his final session with him that he'd taken a small stone from the room and used it for comfort (or something like that)--then returned it before he left. And he hadn't seemed too bothered by that, more curious about it.


Of course the original story of Dr. T and what happened with the stone is rather notorious on here (if anyone reading this thread doesn't know it, feel free to ask, and I can PM you). At the time I asked for one (before a PhD program interview), I'd asked about either having some sort of stone from the office or for him to write a short encouraging note--ended up getting both. He'd said I could have looked around the office and picked something, and I did look around, but then he ended up offering me one. It seemed to have more meaning because he'd picked it and handed it to me. (He wrote the note while I was looking around the office).

The stone (and the note, a bit) were comforting to me during that time, like I held it at one point before the interviews, then once during a break, and it felt sort of like he was there with me, supporting me. And I felt that way a couple other times afterward. After I (reluctantly) gave that stone back, I ended up asking for a new one before I was going on vacation with my parents (and he'd be away right after that). He agreed. I picked this one out myself, and it didn't feel the same. I did hold it during a really stressful part of the drive, and it helped some (I told him after that I'd used it then, and he said he imagined I might have). He let me keep that stone after, but I eventually felt it lost its "power." I asked for the original stone back (giving the second one back) and felt a bit more from it. Then I gave it back (tearfully) when I terminated.

A few months after going back, I nervously asked for another stone to have over Thanksgiving. I asked Dr. T to pick it out (a different one--we agreed the other had bad juju). It was rather endearing seeing him wander around the office, considering a couple options. He picked a small one and handed it to me. I've only actually held it a few times since then, but just knowing it's there is nice (I have it in a zipper pocket of my purse.

When I'd asked for the new one (or maybe it was when I asked for the old one back?), I had said I wanted to make sure he was really OK with it. He said he was, that he understood now what it was about for me. So I have to wonder if he either did some reading about it or got more consultation on it (the first consultation, they just validated his uncomfortable feelings about it...). Or if it's just that he knows me better now and understands how it can help.

I do think it depends quite a bit on the T's style and maybe their theoretical orientation as to whether they'd offer a transitional object. When I saw the one T, K, to consult about some stuff with Dr. T, I was trying to explain why the transitional object was helpful to me, and she was like, "Duh! Obviously!" But she also works with kids, so presumably has more developmental psychology training (which would include training on object permanence, stuff like that). Or just her personality. Meanwhile, the T I saw a couple times after terminating with Dr. T, M, seemed puzzled when I mentioned the transitional object. Though he was still a T in training.

Does your T know you're on PC? If so (or if you just want to say "I was reading online about..."), you could say you read about someone getting a transitional object from their therapist and see how he reacts. From there, you could potentially ask if a client has ever asked for one from him. That way, you could sort of feel out his, well, feelings around them before you consider asking for one yourself. And also consider what you think would help--would you want something from his office? (Dr. T has tons of little things sitting around, so I figured there was something he could offer, but many T's have more sparse offices). Do you want him to write you a short note? If so, he may wonder what he should say, so think about what could help. Or for him to leave you a voicemail that you could listen to?