Hi.
I'm a PhD student and teacher (university level) in literature. English is only a second language for me, but there are not really very active forums like this one in my own country and I kind of prefer to post here (there is even some kind of therapeutical quality in exposing one's problems in another langage, as I've found, at least for me).
I haven't been diagnosed with anything, although I quite fill the criteria of an usual high potential/gifted individual - with the advantages and the disadvantages that go with that situation. Intelligence can make up for certain traits, but it can also conceal the source of the problems, I guess.
When I was a child, I was surely quite odd and peculiar, notably in my relationships with other children. I was quite alone, and sometimes bullied by the classmates. I don't remember many things about that, but I had to change school two times in a year because I was quite miserable in my original school when I was 6 or 7 years old. Thanksfully, afterwards, I was in a better environment and I even managed to have some friends. What changed was also the fact that I had better control of myself.
In those days, I remember that I had often strange patterns of thought and rituals. For example, I had this bizarre reaction sometimes when seeing others or being touched by them : it felt as if I had to close my eyes so not as to be engulfed or menaced by them. It's quite hard to describe and it is of course irrationnal, but it has come up at other times as well. And, conversely, other times I had this bizarre fixation about becoming someone else, someone normal, which gave myself a strange feeling of contentment and nearly the impression that it was possible, even though it were utterly irationnal too.
The thing is that I've always kept that for myself, of course. Although I'm quite sure I could appear sometimes as odd to others, it was not in link to that but to other aspects of my personnality (my intellectual and artistic interests, my idiosyncrasy, etc.).

In my years as a teenager, I was utterly puzzled when reading books about normal adolescence since nearly everything seemed quite at odds with my personal experience. In those days, I read many books about autism, because of "academic" interest and also because I found there things that were more linked to my experiences. I've always felt closer to neurodiverse individuals than to neurotypical persons. But I didn't really want to admit my oddities such as the ones I've described just before.

It's latter than I read about personality disorders. I find myself quite a lot in some of the traits of the schizoid and schizotypal personnalities, actually. Reading about them is quite revelatory but also a bit distressing.

I've been really lonely these last months. I've yet to write many pages of my thesis, thus I have a kind of anchoritic way of life. I only frequent the colleagues at work, who are nice but of an altogether different generation. My social life has been really limited to the bone (Internet, series and movies are there, of course, to compensate that a little). And I have yet many pages of thesis to write in two months. I'm split between a really low self-esteem and moments when I guess I'll manage to get it done easily.

But I've found out that for the first time in my life I was really alone to this extent except from the rare holidays when I went back to my family. And I feel that in those conditions, my odd ways of thinking and oddities become a nuisance.
I've had depression for two years, when I was forced to teach at secondary education, which was very hard for me. But depression seemed to overpass my usual way of functionning. It's different, now. And I must face the facts : there is some degree of pathology in my personality.

It's the first time I've been this much alone, far away from my relatives, without any kind of friend, and I really feel that I lose balance sometimes, which is harder since I have this important work to finish (my thesis is what gives a meaning to these last years, actually).

A few years ago, I went to see a psychiatrist because of anxiety and sleep disorders (I've always had some of theses) but I did not confide in her about those traits at a profound level. I wonder if reiterating the experience could truly help me or not.
This is a long message, maybe nobody will read it, but if you've got some insights, don't hesitate...