I was hopeless and scared too. Ketamine is a dangerous drug and I had to keep reminding myself that no matter how intense it got, I would not die as long as I remained conscious. The dosage they give you is miniscule compared to what is used for surgery. There's no chance it can kill you. I suppose if you're allergic it might, idk.

I am about to turn 58 in a couple of months and I am planning out what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to learn how to train PTSD dogs for veterans. I'm just waiting to see if my social security disability goes through so I can afford the training.
Prior to ketamine, I was so suicidal I had a constant death wish. Now I hope I live to be 100 just so I can see what life is really like without debilitating depression.

I now see my life in two ways, "The Before Time" and "The After Time". The time before ketamine came in to my life and all the changes afterward.

Hang in there. You are stronger than you know.

(((((HUGS)))))

WW