I'm still learning about the extent of my own CEN and how severely it's impacted my life. I got a mixed bag of emotional neglect and emotional abuse. My parents' reactions to me were very unpredictable, as was nearly everything else that came from them. They alternated between babying me to the point of debilitating me, and berating me until I cried for not meeting their expectations or being able to do anything. They both struggled financially and had undiagnosed, untreated mental illness. Neither were able to model appropriate friendship behavior because they had no friends either. They both had emotionally neglectful and abusive upbringings themselves, especially my mother. Her mother struggled with alcohol addiction and her father was like a real-life J.R. Ewing, only not rich. He was also emotionally and verbally abusive to my grandmother and mother. My Mom was her younger brother's mother more than my grandmother was, and had to be her mother's mother to boot. Hurt people hurt people. I'm glad I don't have kids because I would be a lousy mother.

I also get lost easily, and easily upset. I can't help but feel that if I had anything in me worthy of love I would have had it by now. My relationships have all been toxic and exploitative because I have such poor judgement in who I trust. It's hard to trust anybody now.