Thanks Serpentine Leaf, it's nice to hear from you today.

Thanks for sharing your childhood experiences. I totally see a mirror image comparing my parents' and their family members to yours. They too were 'both' alcoholics, feeding each others' misery and causing their marriage to be toxic alone, as well as my childhood of course. They both definitely had undiagnosed (slightly different) mental issues. I'm taking a good guess that my ex-father was abused in some way by his dad, who was completely evil to his own wife (my grandmother, whom I loved). I would definitely describe my ex-mother as Borderline, possibly narcissistic (having since educated myself on BPD in mothers).

I too, am so thankful to have chosen not to have kids (I decided at age 17). That was one decision 'I' had the freedom to make by myself and I'm proud of that forever. I too think I would be an awful mother. I know I wouldn't cope with the stress of any of it and would be worrying forever if I had made the healthiest decisions for that child I'd brought into the world.

I admire any mother that can do it! It would be interesting if any mothers had any thoughts on bringing up kids with their mental illness struggles - particularly sufferers of past parental emotional neglect. I would love to know (and also praise those infinitely) how they cope and deal with the everyday stresses. I find life difficult enough on it's own.

Thanks for reaching out.

I really hope you find someone special one day, you more than deserve it.
I feel I have been toxic to my husband, he is still here for me to this day. I was not looking for him when he found me. I was 20 and had given up, considering to become a nun - seriously!!

Look at me now though, I am so thankful to have my husband and my only friend in life, even though I struggle with emotional outbursts real bad.

Thanks for replying, thinking of you at the start of this new week. You always have people to turn to on here. x