I'm not sure any one system of understanding the Self will help you to find what you're looking for. In my mind many of these systems and paradigms are becoming antiquated and lack some of the next level of evolution concepts that could help those in your shoes gain the enlightenment needed to make peace with the self. I feel there is still value in them, but I think we perhaps need to look at them as ways of understanding our internal structures only.

The reality is that in today's world we live and function in a web or matrixed type of environment. Underatanding of the Self is valuable up until a point, but what one often struggles with is the understanding of the Self while mixed with the other Self(ves) of those around you. We are constantly conversing with others and immersed in group settings at a rate unparalleled to those experienced by the forefathers of psychology, religion, mysticism, science, etc.

An ego or self that carries the belief it is wholly unlike the others will be sensed and oftentimes rejected by those who are better able to blend. This is especially the case when the package that something different walks within comes along wrapped in self doubt and lacks in self esteem. If you cannot love and trust yourself,
and it is outwardly obvious, others sense it and fear what you might have to offer as they fear it will create self esteem issues in themselves because like you, they truly do not know who they are. They simply wear masks of self awareness and self esteem. They on the whole adopt the 'fake it til you make it approach' and that seems to work to pacify most people although to sensitive types(like I sense perhaps you are) it feels disingenuous and awful to be a part of. They perhaps do not realize your unique state is quite valuable simply because of the way it is presented. Personally, I'd rather hang with the akward guy over a bunch of fakers but we're all different.

My best advice would be to simply spend time exploring yourself, reflecting upon yourself and working to grow in the areas of self acceptance and self compassion. Try to figure out what your dreams are communicating. Look for negative behavior patterns and shift them. Face that which you fear and attempt to heal the root of it. After that kind of growth you will perhaps still be divergent in your presentation, but an outside group will sense it as something unique they do not have that they are curious to know better. It you arrive in a package of self love, self compassion and self acceptance that is a gift everyone can benefit from.

They can benefit from you in the exact state you are in now, but the number of people wise enough to recognize that is limited. Herd mentality is hard to shift sometimes. The number of individuals who know themselves fully and also seek to connect with and accept everyone unconditionally because we are all of one source are limited in number. They do exist though. Hold faith. They are some of the most divergent among us and they see you even when you cannot see yourself.

As for knowing the self from a limited perspective you could use eastern or western religion, philosophy, theology, psychology, dream analysis, science, alchemy, the occult and various other methods of exploration. I've worked with all of them. Essentially they all lead you to raise your own self consciousness. Some even balance that out with the knowing that your feelings are not inferior to the intellect and are equally as important. You have to seek that which fuels you and brings you joy. That which fires you up. That which calms you and brings you peace. You'll find that in a mix of spiritual, mental, emotional, physical activities that are both conscious and unconscious. Some experiences will be negative. Some will be positive. Try not to judge it as long as you are expanding and in general on the trajectory you're heading for which is self understanding and self love.

I don't think you are insane. I feel I understand what you are describing. I have and do experience it. Typically I find it occurs when I am beginning a new stage of personal growth. The darkness comes when I reject the challe he and refuse to do the work necessary to move forward.

I find that when I cannot find the words to articulate what I'm experiencing there is always a metaphor, allegory, song, meme, symbol, movie or something of the like that nails it. Maybe look to communicate via metaphor when you feel lost. Symbols are a somewhat universal language that bypass the specifics of your own condition.

I hope this helps. You are not alone. Take another look at that word. Even in our darkest most alone times, we are allone