I relate to what you are describing.

It is tough when people tell me that I look like I am doing well, so I must be OK. Like you, I spend a lot of time trying to cope, sometimes not so well.

A couple of things I try to remember is Smiling Depression (The Secret Pain of "Smiling" Depression | Psychology Today). There are others like us who may appear to be doing OK but are not.

I also self-medicated my mental health with alcohol and couldn't stop. I have been in recovery for a number of years, and people have sometimes suggested that I haven't drank for so long, so it might be OK to drink now. No!

For me, what is important in my self-care is to be aware of how I am really doing. I can listen to others to get their perspective and that can be helpful. Listening to people like therapists who I am very open with about what is going on with me is the most helpful. But I also need to listen to myself.