Hello OpenEyes & IceCreamKid, thanks...I was having a pity party and all my thoughts and emotions were crashing it. Thanks OpenEyes, I'm not sure 100% about panic/anxiety..I do hear you..when I activated ems and we went through the acronyms and vitals my respirations were normal, o2 saturation 98/99, pupils were not dialated, extremities were not cold...in fact they were really warm. There was one moment though one of them said they saw me going pale. So I'm not discarding the fact that in may have been an anxiety attack because the EMS team said they could see I was anxious. Ya...I have some friends in AA so we'll see, though I'd really not go to meetings they are at. I have a lot of stuff I'd rather share to strangers and not have to see the look on their face the next day. Thank you again Miss OpenEyes

To icCreameKid..yup..The Navy brat in me has been slowly bringing them in to do chores...but kids will be kids. It's hard because my parents can't help unless I drop kids at their house. Then sooner or later the little minions drive them up the wall. So I been working on letting the oldest stay at house after school and a neighbor/friend checks in on her while the younger goes to grandparents after school. Still though she's part me so the laziness gear and ya...I'll get that done in the last golden hour happens...she still hasn't perfected getting out of slacker gear to pickup and go.

But I have faith, yesterday was family house cleaning day and homework ketchup. We got up and out of the house early to get some breakfast, came home took a 30..then got it in gear and after each task was done I gave them breaks and rewards were for how well they worked with each other. I have already talked to HR about what my options are and the plant boss is on my side as far as getting a safety net around me so I don't lose my job. I will work through slowly and I hear you & the doc about my detox process. However even with the help, I need to get things around me stable so I can trust that I can walk away from it. I do have a lot of benefit time...perks of the years. But OT&DT don't come with it should I go. So I will have to chess play around and see what I can get that doesn't throw me too many rungs down. I have past reasons that drive me to going to NA however once I close those doors I'll walk towards going to AA for sure.
Thank you both again...it's Monday and I gotta get the minions up and ready in twenty then off to laundry mat...woooo so much fun...then after that try to squeeze an NA meeting in, take care everyone..hope you all have a great week